As we watch the tumult of thoughts swirling around in our minds, it's sometimes hard to find a moment of calm in this mental cacophony. The hectic pace of modern life, worries, responsibilities - all of this can sweep us up in a whirlwind of anxiety and stress. That's where mindfulness comes in, bringing a breath of fresh air to our hectic existence.
Faith G. Harper, author of “Unfuck your brain” and “This is your brain on depression”, has a way of talking about mental health that feels genuine and unadorned. I discovered her books last month and have already read over four of them. So yes, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I love her way of looking at things. In this article, she reminds us that mindfulness is not a miracle solution to all our problems, but a powerful tool to help us navigate the tumultuous waters of our emotions and thoughts.
In this guided course, we'll dive into the world of mindfulness and discover how it can become an invaluable companion in your quest for mental well-being. You'll see that mindfulness doesn't require extraordinary skills, but simply a willingness to be present in the moment, to observe your thoughts with kindness, and to learn to reconnect with yourself.
And no, you don't have to meditate for it to work. There are many ways to pay attention to yourself and the world around you. So buckle up and get ready for a journey to inner serenity, thanks to this straightforward, down-to-earth guide. Are you ready to untie the knot of your thoughts?
Definition of mindfulness
Mindfulness is like making an appointment with yourself, but without the excuse of a postponement. It's a simple but powerful practice of being totally present, without judgment, in the moment. This means you're not absorbed in the past, nor anxious about the future. You're here, in the flesh, in the present moment.
Mindfulness is a bit like “the art of slowing down the brain that sometimes resembles an overactive hamster in a wheel”. In other words, it's a way of taking a break from the mad rush of thoughts that can pull you in any direction, sometimes without even asking your opinion.
Mindfulness doesn't necessarily mean retreating into a cave and meditating for hours on end (but if that suits you, why not?). On the contrary, it's a practice that can be integrated into your daily life, wherever you are and whatever you're doing.
The origins of mindfulness
This practice, although increasingly popular in the Western world, has its roots in ancient Buddhist teachings. It was originally called “Vipassana” in Pali, an ancient language used for Buddhist texts. Buddhist masters taught mindfulness as a means of achieving a profound understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
Over the years, mindfulness has moved away from its religious roots to become a secular practice, accessible to all, whatever their beliefs. It has been adopted by psychologists, therapists and mental wellness researchers as an effective method for managing stress, emotions and cultivating well-being.
In a nutshell, mindfulness is an invitation to live life to the full, to be present in every moment, be it gentle, difficult or simply mundane. It's an inner journey that begins with the simple act of becoming aware of your breathing, sensations and thoughts, and can profoundly transform the way you approach life.
The basics of mindfulness
Connecting with the present moment
Mindfulness is a bit like an invitation to a party to which you're constantly invited, but which you tend to miss because you're too busy checking your phone or worrying about what happened yesterday or what's going to happen tomorrow. The first step in cultivating mindfulness is to learn to be present.
You might ask yourself: “I'm here, aren't I?" Not quite. You may be physically here, but your mind could be anywhere else. That's where the magic of mindfulness comes in. It allows you to slow down, anchor yourself in the present moment and feel life unfolding under your nose.
To put it simply and directly: “Mindfulness is an invitation to be where you are, when you are there, without judgment. This means that you observe your thoughts, emotions and sensations without criticizing them. You are a benevolent observer, not a harsh judge.
Conscious breathing
A good way to practice being present is to concentrate on your breathing. I told you I wouldn't talk about meditation, but it's not the same thing! It may sound simplistic, but simplicity is the essence of mindfulness. Your breath is your anchor, the solid rock to which you can cling when the tumultuous waves of life threaten to overwhelm you.
You can sit comfortably or stand, close your eyes or let them open, lie down or walk, whatever still allows you to safely exist in your head for a second, and take a few deep breaths. Nothing complicated, just a few inhalations and exhalations. Observe the movement of your breath, feel it moving in and out of your body. If your mind wanders (and believe me, it will), gently bring your attention back to your breathing. You can even call your thoughts “thoughts”. In other words, if your mind starts to wander, even if it's because you're itching, think “thought”, then reconnect to your breath. You'll be surprised how much your brain dislikes it when you ignore its signals for a while. Breathing is your reference point, your anchor in the present moment.
Conscious breathing is not a competition. It's not a race to see who can meditate the longest or the deepest. It's an act of self-love, a well-deserved break in a busy day. Mindfulness is cultivated one breath at a time, one moment at a time.
The benefits of mindfulness
Stress reduction
You know the feeling, don't you? That weight on your shoulders, those incessant thoughts whirling around like tornadoes in your mind, sometimes accompanied by physical symptoms, such as insomnia, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, the cold, hands shaking without knowing why. Stress is part of modern life, but that doesn't mean you have to let it rule your existence. Guess what? That's where mindfulness comes in.
Scientific research has shown that mindfulness can reduce stress levels and their effects on body and mind. It works by slowing down the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response, and activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation. You feel calmer, less reactive to stressful situations.
Mindfulness can also be described as an “emergency brake for stress”. It's as if you pull on this brake every time you feel overwhelmed by life. You create a space between the stressful stimulus and your reaction, allowing you to choose how you react.
Improving mental health
Mental health is as important as physical health, if not more so. Mindfulness is a powerful tool for maintaining mental balance. It can help manage anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and many other conditions.
By practicing mindfulness, you learn to observe your thoughts and emotions without judging them. This can be a lifeline for those struggling in the tumultuous waters of depression or anxiety. Faith G. Harper reminds us that “mindfulness teaches you to be your own best friend, even when you feel like your own worst enemy”.
Mindfulness can also help you better understand your emotions, connect more deeply with yourself and make more informed decisions. It empowers you to choose how you respond to life's challenges.
Okay, I've tried to convince you enough that mindfulness is a good thing. Now it's time to integrate it into our lives. I'll give you some examples of how to do this.
Integrate mindfulness into your daily routine
Now that we have a better understanding of what mindfulness is and its benefits, it's time to put it into practice in your daily life.
Remember that mindfulness is not an activity that should be reserved for a quiet corner of your home. It can be integrated into every moment of your life.
Mindfulness is not a luxury, it's a necessity. That's why I suggest starting with small things. You can practice mindfulness while walking, eating, showering, driving, working, playing with your children, listening to music, in fact, in almost everything you do.
The trick is to slow down and be fully present to what you're doing. For example, when you eat, take the time to savor every bite. Feel the texture, taste and smell of your food. When you walk, feel every step on the ground, the wind on your face, the sounds around you. When you shower, try to feel the warmth of the water, the steam of the shower around you, the change in your skin as it washes and the sensation before and after the shower.
Sometimes it gets a little complicated. I'll give you my pet peeve: working on my college essays. When I write, I think about what the professor wants to see. I think about the grade I can get, and probably will get, if I don't do everything perfectly. I try to corral my ideas with copy-and-paste sentences from books. This inevitably leads me to wonder why I'm doing this in the first place.
As part of a mindfulness practice, I breathe deeply and write sentence by sentence. I think about what I want to write, what's important to me, what motivates me for this particular essay. I take the time to feel the softness of the keyboard, listen to my lo-fi music in the background and empty my mind of all other thoughts. It's always very hard to do, but I feel much more passionate about writing when I'm in the moment, rather than thinking about the future and the stress it represents.
Mindfulness in relationships
Mindfulness isn't just a personal matter. It can also enrich your relationships with others. When you're fully present in a conversation, you're really listening, without thinking about your response or what you're going to say next. You connect with the other person on a deeper level.
Faith G. Harper suggests that mindfulness can improve relationships by helping you to be more patient, understanding and compassionate toward others. Instead of automatically judging or reacting, you respond with intention.
What's more, when you're aware of your own emotions and reactions, you can better manage conflicts and tensions in your relationships. Mindfulness gives you the ability to step back and choose how you want to respond to relationship challenges.
Mindfulness can also strengthen bonds with your loved ones. You can practice together, whether it's meditating in a group, doing mindfulness activities together or simply being fully present for each other.
The next section will guide you through the integration of mindfulness with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), my therapeutic approach of choice that incorporates mindfulness with emotion management. Stay tuned for more on this powerful combination!
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and mindfulness
Introduction to DBT
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a powerful therapeutic approach that integrates mindfulness to help individuals better manage their emotions and relationships. It was developed by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan, an American psychologist, author and professor emeritus of psychology.
DBT is particularly useful for people who have difficulty regulating their emotions, who engage in impulsive or self-destructive behavior, or who suffer from personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). You don't have to have BPD to find DBT useful. In fact, I firmly believe that anyone can receive help from this type of therapy.
In addition, we're going to clarify a few things:
- Difficulty in regulating emotions is not only a problem for those who can't control them, but also for those who bury them or don't feel them fully.
- Impulsive, self-destructive behavior isn't just about self-harm or drug or alcohol dependence. It's also about anything that keeps you from living the life you want and have created for yourself.
- Yes, self-sabotage can also be self-destructive! For example, buying all the books you want because it makes you happy when you know you won't be able to pay the rent, going on a strict diet because you feel like it, working out 7 hours a day because it feels good in the moment, or even always turning down your friends' invitations to go out because you don't feel like it.
Remember, there's a fine line between self-help and self-sabotage. The thing that helps me know which one it is? Self-help doesn't usually make us feel exhausted or bad afterwards, whereas self-sabotage does. Example: you refuse to see your friends for an entire month because you need to be alone, and you end that month feeling rejuvenated and ready to make plans with them VS telling them no, and still feeling like crap after that month.
DBT is based on the concept of “dialectics”, which involves finding a balance between seemingly opposing ideas. For example, it encourages you to accept and change at the same time, to be fully present in the moment while working on self-improvement.
Integrating mindfulness into DBT
As we've already said, mindfulness is central to DBT. It teaches you to be aware of your emotions, thoughts and reactions, without passing judgment. This self-awareness helps you identify emotional triggers, understand why you react in particular ways and choose more appropriate responses.
DBT also uses mindfulness exercises to help you develop emotional regulation skills. For example, “dialectical breathing” is an exercise that combines mindful breathing with positive affirmations to help you manage anxiety or anger.
We can underline the importance of this approach by saying that “DBT and mindfulness are like two sides of the same coin. They help you to be at peace with yourself while working on change”.
DBT offers you a structured framework for integrating mindfulness into your journey towards well-being. It teaches you to recognize the “parasitic spirits” that fuel your intense emotions, to observe them without judgment and to let them pass.
Practical advice
“Mindfulness is not a magic potion. It won't erase all your worries or turn you into an emotionless being. But it can help you better navigate the murky waters of your mind,” says Faith G. Harper bluntly and directly.
Faith G. Harper has a unique style for talking about mental health and mindfulness. She reminds us that mindfulness is not a panacea, but a powerful tool for connecting with yourself, managing your emotions and cultivating your well-being. Honestly, that's how I see mental health too.
I'll never say that once you know yourself, life will be all sunshine and rainbows. Nor will I say that knowing how you feel will solve all your problems, but you'll be much more open to seeing things differently if you do.
Some practical tips for practicing mindfulness on a daily basis :
- Show compassion for yourself : Mindfulness begins with being compassionate with yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself when your mind wanders or you make mistakes. Be your own friend, not your own critic.
- Start small : mindfulness doesn't require you to meditate for hours on end. Start with short sessions lasting just a few minutes and work your way up. You can practice anywhere, anytime.
- Slow down: Modern life pushes us to run everywhere. Slow down. Take time to savor every moment. Take a breath. Observe. Be present.
- Stay regular : Mindfulness is a practice. The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes. Make it part of your daily routine to reap the rewards.
- Be open to experience : mindfulness is an inner adventure. Be open to what you discover about yourself. Accept the ups and downs. Remember that you'll never be done learning about yourself.
- Stay curious : Keep your inner child happy by remaining curious about the world and what you learn. It's important to be compassionate. In fact, try to be the “adult” your inner child needs at that moment. If you need to take a moment to yourself, under your covers with a hot drink and be told that this is a really difficult time, do it. You need that softness inside you.
- Practice mindfulness with others : you can practice mindfulness in groups, whether with friends, family or in guided sessions. This creates social support and strengthens bonds.
Mindfulness is not an abstract concept. It's an experience to be lived, an inner journey to be undertaken. By adopting these tips, you can begin to untie the knot of your thoughts and embrace the simplicity of the present moment.
So here we are, on a journey through mindfulness. We discovered that mindfulness is not an esoteric concept, but a simple invitation to be fully present in the moment, to observe our thoughts and emotions with kindness, and to reconnect with ourselves.
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for reducing stress, improving mental health and enriching relationships. It can be integrated into your daily life, whether you're eating, walking, working or practicing dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
Integrating mindfulness with DBT offers a structured framework for managing life's emotions and challenges, while cultivating mindfulness.
These practical tips, based on self-compassion, regularity and presence, can help you begin your own mindfulness practice. Remember, this is not a magic potion, but a journey of self-exploration that can transform your life.
Mindfulness is not reserved for a spiritual or intellectual elite. It's accessible to everyone, and it's a gift you can give yourself. It's a daily reminder that you deserve to be here, alive, and that you have the power to choose how you live each moment. Don't wait any longer, immerse yourself in mindfulness and let go of all those mental constraints. Your well-being is waiting for you, and it's a gift you deserve. So buckle up, because your own journey to mindfulness and well-being starts right now!
Want to know more? Here are some links you might find useful
Articles
The ABC of Mindfulness - by PETER JENSEN PHD, PERFORMANCE COACHING FOUNDER
What is mindfulness, and how can I practise it? - Kids help phone
Mindfulness Toolkit - Mindfulness.tools
Videos
How mindfulness changes the emotional life of our brains | Richard J. Davidson | TEDxSanFrancisco
5 Minute Mindfulness Meditation - Great Meditation
Mental Reset in 5 Minutes - Guided Mindfulness Meditation - Calm Anxiety and Stress - MindfulPeace
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