In your opinion, is controling our emotions good or bad? Is it our friend or enemie?
Emotions are beneficial and necessary (even the unpleasant ones) and we must make them our allies. Wanting to control them is tantamount to denying them, repressing them and refusing to listen to their message, which enables us to evolve.
Yes, emotions have specific functions, including, among other things, messages to convey! They inform us and reflect what's going on inside us, the experience we're going through, motivate us to act and enable us to communicate.
But if they are our friends, why do we want to repress them and not let them express themselves? Why are some of them so unpleasant?
Let's Start by Defining and Understanding Basic Emotions
The 6 basic emotions are sadness, joy, anger, fear, disgust and surprise. They are also accompanied by different intensities (weak to intense) for each of them (which for the moment are not detailed here).
There are many definitions, but one that sums up an emotion well is this one: "Intense, short-lived energy that manifests itself in sensations of varying intensity in the face of a triggering event, leading to a physiological reaction that prompts us to act to satisfy our needs." .
We feel an emotion at the time of an event, a thought, an external trigger (captured by one of our 5 senses), which is felt by the body and which sends a message to the brain to incite us to act and release this energy.
Several factors (our beliefs, our life experiences, our memories (recorded in the brain) can cause us to grasp their benevolent messages negatively.
Here are just a few examples:
" I've always been told I'm shy... I'll never be able to do my oral presentation...."
" I worry a lot about what people think of me."
" It's because of the events of my past that I'm suffering today, and I can't do anything about it.."
These affirmations tell us that emotions are harmful and that we should refuse to listen to them. We then prevent ourselves from expressing and experiencing them.
" Well, it'll go away by itself."
" I'd rather not talk about it! »
In fact, we're afraid! But in reality, we need to understand that it's the insecurity and danger felt by the body in the face of a painful experience (again, recorded in the brain) that play a role in our reactions and behavior.
The danger of not releasing our emotions is that they will grow, become time bombs that will eventually explode or degenerate into anxiety, stress, or worse... illness!
We're made up of emotions, so why deny them? Let's think of them as a good old friend who comes to advise us!
But if they are named, welcomed and taken care of, they enable us to carry out their functions and take action, because only action will calm the emotion!
What to do when an unpleasant emotion overwhelms us? What can we do to prevent it from poisoning our lives and those of our loved ones?
We have two options:
We either let it fester and grow, or we declare war on it by adopting these keys:
- I stop and breathe! (1, 2, 3, breathe).
- I recognize the emotion and name it (there's anger in me).
- Note : you can't identify with anger by saying "I'm angry" we are not anger this emotion is within us, but ISN'T US).
- Note : you can't identify with anger by saying "I'm angry" we are not anger this emotion is within us, but ISN'T US).
- By allowing myself to feel what's going on in my body (a lump in my stomach, trembling, etc.) I find the trigger (my boss is asking me to do more overtime).
- I decode his message from the experience I'm going through and the need I have behind this emotion (I don't feel respected).
- I take action, I communicate (I take the time to calm down, I ask to see him to talk about it calmly).
Let's not forget: what we don't express, we print. Liberating our emotions will enable us to feel free with them!
Want to find out more? We invite you to meet our collaborator!
Lucie Dussault, Self-help Counsellor
E-mail: ludussault@hotmail.com
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